So I sent this as a newsletter to friends and acquaintances a few months ago. I tried to send it to as many people as possible but I know it hasn't reached everyone in my world. It's a piece of my life and experience this year. Make a cup of tea, sit back and enjoy the read.
"As many of you know, I took a year out after my degree. I really just wanted to refocus my life and hear what God is saying about the next part of my journey.
After much prayer and consideration I decided to join Youth with a Mission. YWAM is a non-denominational Christian organisation that is found all over the world and is passionate about bringing the gospel to the nations. This organisation really appealed to me because their vision sums up what my heart truly wants to do and that is to know Jesus and to make Him known.
The base I’m at is called Media Village and their heart is to be influential in the media, which again is in line with my passion. I’ve been doing the first school called the Discipleship Training School (DTS). This school is the foundation for all courses offered at YWAM and is broken up into two phases: 12 week training and then two months mission. We’ve just completed week 10 of our training. With each week comes a new topic and they’ve ranged from prayer evangelism to the Father heart of God to discovering your destiny. Each day starts with breakfast at 6 am, prayer walk around the community at 7am, devotion at 8am, teachings from 9am until 1pm, lunch until 1.45, two hours of work duty, abou
t an hour of free time, sports from 5pm until 6 pm, dinner and then various activities are organised on different evenings.
Living in community
We are currently 19 students and we have six leaders. Most of the students are straight out of high school and oh my word, university has aged me, I can’t seem to keep up with the energy! There is a good balance though because the oldest student is in his 60’s. He’s a grandfather of two and every time I think I’m too old to take part in an activity, I look at him and tell myself that if he can do it, then I have no excuse (chuckling in my head). I have two room mates and I’ve actually enjoyed having them in my space. Overall, it’s been a very humbling experience though and I think in this time God has begun to challenge me about my character. I think submitting under leadership has been the hardest thing since I’ve spent about three years in leadership at university. There’s a hierarchy that exists at university and age naturally plays a part in that. I’ve also always been a bit of an ageist, so having leaders who aren’t that much older than me or are younger than me has required several conversations with God about the rebellion in my heart. God is faithful though because I’ve had so many moments of reflecting back to my stint as a sub-warden and I cringe at the thought of how imperfect I was as well as how much grace I still need for the leadership positions I will undertake in the future. Anyway, I’ve learned to really respect the leaders, to pray for them and to submit even when I don’t agree with their decisions.
Blame it on my degree but I have become such a critical person. Everyone went through my minds judgement and God ever so gently pointed this out one day during a prayer walk. I was walking behind someone who had a hole in their pants. I should have been praying but found myself thinking “O my word, can people just mend their clothes!” On our return I popped into my room to do something, went to the mirror to check my hair or something and you won’t believe where my eyes fell: to the hole in my pants! I had to laugh at myself and yes, I believe God has a true sense of humour. Immediately after that we went to the prayer room and our lecturer spoke about the need to repent of our pride. I knew that was God gently speaking to me about the log in my eye. I’ve had to learn to control my thoughts and it’s really not easy but I still have the hole in my pants to remind my how much grace I still need from God.
Prayer walks and prayer room
In the second phase of DTS we’ll be going on a mission to Kenya, but because we live in Durbanville right now we want to bless our community. So every morning we walk the streets of Durbanville and pray. It’s embarrassing to admit that I cried at the first prayer walk but if you know me you’ll understand that early mornings are not my favourite thing and speaking at 7 am is really asking a great deal from me. I’ve often told my mom that God knows I don’t speak to Him before 9 am (hahahaha). I remember sitting in tears just before we went for the walk and all I could say in my heart was “Lord, please make this easier.” Now at the end of the 10th week, I’m that girl smiling and waving at people who really don’t look like they’re happy about having to drive to work so early. Obviously this didn’t come easily. I’ve had to learn to get to bed early (which is hard considering my brain is at its most active after dinner) and live above my feelings when my alarm wakes me in the morning.
On Valentine’s Day we decided to walk to the entrance of Durbanville and pray for the cars coming in and out of the town. A white woman was standing at the traffic lights begging for money. I hate to admit but I don’t really understand white beggars. That’s a prejudice in my heart that God challenged on that day of love. I felt a nudge to go and pray for her. I wish I could say I went running to love on this woman just as Jesus would have done, but I chose to resist. We stood as a group and prayed over the community and right at the end a leader suggested some of us go over and pray for the lady at the traffic lights. I knew then that I couldn’t resist God’s nudge anymore so I went. One of the other students was already praying with her. She told me her name and her story. She left her abusive husband three years ago, and is currently renting somewhere, where she lives with her three children, the youngest of which is six years old. This lady was well dressed in a red two-piece and she had an interview lined up for later that day. She’s dyslexic and has struggled to hold down a job. The only reason why she had come that day to beg for money was because her land lord wanted R500 rent money by the end of the day or else she’d be put out on the street with her kids. As we prayed for her this 40 something old women held on to me and just cried. At that moment one of the other students crossed the road to come tell this lady the word she got from God. The word was so spot-on and really in line with the story she’d just told me and God was letting her know that she is not overlooked. I’m so glad I obeyed, that was the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.
We don’t just stop with praying for the community. Every Monday evening from 7.30 until 9 we sit in the boiler room and we pray for various people and things. It’s called the boiler room because it’s modeled on the prayer movement that started with young people praying in the boiler room a few years ago and they started seeing the move of God. The heart of the boiler room is to have a place where we can come and really make our requests known to God. The walls are covered with art work and words of worship that come from all of us who have been in the prayer room. I have names hanging in there of all the people I’m praying for and it’s nice to know that others walk in there and pray for those people as well. I’m really convinced about the power of prayer after the many testimonies that have come after we started praying as a community every Monday. Marriages are being healed and people have gotten jobs. My favourite is when we prayed against human trafficking and then went out to the parking lot of three known locations in Durbanville where human trafficking slaves are being used for sex work. That week someone spotted in the news paper that a pimp had been arrested. We really believe that this is the start of the end to these “businesses” and to human trafficking in South Africa and the world over.
Teachings
The Word has been amazing. Most of it I’m not hearing for the first time but it’s truths that I’ve overlooked most of my life. I’d mainly come to hear what God has to say about my destiny but I know now that He’s brought me to DTS to show and deal with the crippling fear that has made my life so shallow and very difficult for me to reach my potential. I’ve realised how apologetic I’ve been about being who I am and for my gifting as well as my shortcomings. I can’t say I’ve known this consciously all my life but it’s been there all along and it’s driven a lot of my decisions and relationships. Again, God’s been ever so gentle in bringing me to a place of surrendering the fear of man, the fear of failure, the lies I’ve believed about myself and the list goes on. I’m really still on this journey and sometimes in true Refilwe style, I want to control what God can do in the no go areas of my life because this fear is all I’ve known and once God deals with it, I have to live differently and choose to walk in the boldness that God gives. Eeeep! Keep praying for me, so I can keep learning to let go. What’s truly amazing about God is that while I’m freaking out about the many fears in my life, He’s showing me the big picture (I’m actually crying right now. OK, I’m calm).
Living in community
We are currently 19 students and we have six leaders. Most of the students are straight out of high school and oh my word, university has aged me, I can’t seem to keep up with the energy! There is a good balance though because the oldest student is in his 60’s. He’s a grandfather of two and every time I think I’m too old to take part in an activity, I look at him and tell myself that if he can do it, then I have no excuse (chuckling in my head). I have two room mates and I’ve actually enjoyed having them in my space. Overall, it’s been a very humbling experience though and I think in this time God has begun to challenge me about my character. I think submitting under leadership has been the hardest thing since I’ve spent about three years in leadership at university. There’s a hierarchy that exists at university and age naturally plays a part in that. I’ve also always been a bit of an ageist, so having leaders who aren’t that much older than me or are younger than me has required several conversations with God about the rebellion in my heart. God is faithful though because I’ve had so many moments of reflecting back to my stint as a sub-warden and I cringe at the thought of how imperfect I was as well as how much grace I still need for the leadership positions I will undertake in the future. Anyway, I’ve learned to really respect the leaders, to pray for them and to submit even when I don’t agree with their decisions.
Blame it on my degree but I have become such a critical person. Everyone went through my minds judgement and God ever so gently pointed this out one day during a prayer walk. I was walking behind someone who had a hole in their pants. I should have been praying but found myself thinking “O my word, can people just mend their clothes!” On our return I popped into my room to do something, went to the mirror to check my hair or something and you won’t believe where my eyes fell: to the hole in my pants! I had to laugh at myself and yes, I believe God has a true sense of humour. Immediately after that we went to the prayer room and our lecturer spoke about the need to repent of our pride. I knew that was God gently speaking to me about the log in my eye. I’ve had to learn to control my thoughts and it’s really not easy but I still have the hole in my pants to remind my how much grace I still need from God.
Prayer walks and prayer room
In the second phase of DTS we’ll be going on a mission to Kenya, but because we live in Durbanville right now we want to bless our community. So every morning we walk the streets of Durbanville and pray. It’s embarrassing to admit that I cried at the first prayer walk but if you know me you’ll understand that early mornings are not my favourite thing and speaking at 7 am is really asking a great deal from me. I’ve often told my mom that God knows I don’t speak to Him before 9 am (hahahaha). I remember sitting in tears just before we went for the walk and all I could say in my heart was “Lord, please make this easier.” Now at the end of the 10th week, I’m that girl smiling and waving at people who really don’t look like they’re happy about having to drive to work so early. Obviously this didn’t come easily. I’ve had to learn to get to bed early (which is hard considering my brain is at its most active after dinner) and live above my feelings when my alarm wakes me in the morning.
On Valentine’s Day we decided to walk to the entrance of Durbanville and pray for the cars coming in and out of the town. A white woman was standing at the traffic lights begging for money. I hate to admit but I don’t really understand white beggars. That’s a prejudice in my heart that God challenged on that day of love. I felt a nudge to go and pray for her. I wish I could say I went running to love on this woman just as Jesus would have done, but I chose to resist. We stood as a group and prayed over the community and right at the end a leader suggested some of us go over and pray for the lady at the traffic lights. I knew then that I couldn’t resist God’s nudge anymore so I went. One of the other students was already praying with her. She told me her name and her story. She left her abusive husband three years ago, and is currently renting somewhere, where she lives with her three children, the youngest of which is six years old. This lady was well dressed in a red two-piece and she had an interview lined up for later that day. She’s dyslexic and has struggled to hold down a job. The only reason why she had come that day to beg for money was because her land lord wanted R500 rent money by the end of the day or else she’d be put out on the street with her kids. As we prayed for her this 40 something old women held on to me and just cried. At that moment one of the other students crossed the road to come tell this lady the word she got from God. The word was so spot-on and really in line with the story she’d just told me and God was letting her know that she is not overlooked. I’m so glad I obeyed, that was the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.
We don’t just stop with praying for the community. Every Monday evening from 7.30 until 9 we sit in the boiler room and we pray for various people and things. It’s called the boiler room because it’s modeled on the prayer movement that started with young people praying in the boiler room a few years ago and they started seeing the move of God. The heart of the boiler room is to have a place where we can come and really make our requests known to God. The walls are covered with art work and words of worship that come from all of us who have been in the prayer room. I have names hanging in there of all the people I’m praying for and it’s nice to know that others walk in there and pray for those people as well. I’m really convinced about the power of prayer after the many testimonies that have come after we started praying as a community every Monday. Marriages are being healed and people have gotten jobs. My favourite is when we prayed against human trafficking and then went out to the parking lot of three known locations in Durbanville where human trafficking slaves are being used for sex work. That week someone spotted in the news paper that a pimp had been arrested. We really believe that this is the start of the end to these “businesses” and to human trafficking in South Africa and the world over.
Teachings
The Word has been amazing. Most of it I’m not hearing for the first time but it’s truths that I’ve overlooked most of my life. I’d mainly come to hear what God has to say about my destiny but I know now that He’s brought me to DTS to show and deal with the crippling fear that has made my life so shallow and very difficult for me to reach my potential. I’ve realised how apologetic I’ve been about being who I am and for my gifting as well as my shortcomings. I can’t say I’ve known this consciously all my life but it’s been there all along and it’s driven a lot of my decisions and relationships. Again, God’s been ever so gentle in bringing me to a place of surrendering the fear of man, the fear of failure, the lies I’ve believed about myself and the list goes on. I’m really still on this journey and sometimes in true Refilwe style, I want to control what God can do in the no go areas of my life because this fear is all I’ve known and once God deals with it, I have to live differently and choose to walk in the boldness that God gives. Eeeep! Keep praying for me, so I can keep learning to let go. What’s truly amazing about God is that while I’m freaking out about the many fears in my life, He’s showing me the big picture (I’m actually crying right now. OK, I’m calm).
During one of the weeks we took time to dream with God and He’s brought back some childhood dreams and given me a vision for what my role in the media will look like. Three weeks later during worship God was still giving me more big dreams. I remember sitting down with the “map” of the big picture of my dreams and thinking “how on earth am I going to do all of this” and still God dared me to dream bigger. I’ve been praying and saying how Lord?” and God’s been responding and speaking more over the past 10 weeks than He has my whole life (or rather I’ve been listening better). This past week our speaker gave everyone a word for God and for me he said that as he felt like I’d been saying to God regarding my destiny “how can it be” and God is saying He has a great calling for my life and it will be done by His Holy Spirit. So I’m letting go and trusting God and actually getting excited about the future.
Phase two
The past 10 weeks have been really good for me and God, but as students we’ve kept the focus of the school being about training us up so we can go out to the nations and share Jesus with the nations. For us that will be our mission to Kenya. We’ll be going there with a heart to practically meet the needs of the people in the community we live in, to bless them and pray for them and to preach the gospel because it’s God who will meet their needs when we are gone. At the moment many of us are struggling to raise the finances we need for the mission trip to Kenya but it hasn’t dampened our excitement about the mission trip and what God is doing. I know that God wanted me to come to this school at this time so I’m trusting for the financial breakthrough. I had saved some money from my sub-wardening days to get me through the first phase of the school and I trust God will provide the rest ...
Phase two
The past 10 weeks have been really good for me and God, but as students we’ve kept the focus of the school being about training us up so we can go out to the nations and share Jesus with the nations. For us that will be our mission to Kenya. We’ll be going there with a heart to practically meet the needs of the people in the community we live in, to bless them and pray for them and to preach the gospel because it’s God who will meet their needs when we are gone. At the moment many of us are struggling to raise the finances we need for the mission trip to Kenya but it hasn’t dampened our excitement about the mission trip and what God is doing. I know that God wanted me to come to this school at this time so I’m trusting for the financial breakthrough. I had saved some money from my sub-wardening days to get me through the first phase of the school and I trust God will provide the rest ...
... Thank you for your support and prayers so far. Please feel free to email, sms, BBM or whatsapp me questions, comments."
“To whomsoever much has been given, from him much will be required,; and to whom much has been entrusted of him a larger amount will be demanded”
“To whomsoever much has been given, from him much will be required,; and to whom much has been entrusted of him a larger amount will be demanded”
Luke 12:48b
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