Declaration of love

Dear friend,

I love you (said with me looking deeply into your eyes along with my serious voice). Please, know that I love you. Life is short and I just want you to know that in this lifetime you were loved by me. That’s really all I wanted to say, but since you’ve taken the time to visit my blog let me say more about this.

We laid my cousin’s body to rest today and I’m still trying to wrap my head around her death. She would have turned 27 this month and made a huge success of her life in the years to come. I don’t doubt that at all.
But that’s not her story. Her story is that her life came to a tragic end last week Friday. I still don’t believe it but it is what it is.

Life. It’s just so fragile.

The thing about all deaths for me is that they leave me with a feeling of “not enough”, be it, not enough years lived, or enough time to say the things that I wished I’d said, or not enough time spent together or what I dread the most: not enough “I love you’s”.

This particular death had me thinking about my own funeral (calm down, I’m not going anywhere). What will be said about me? The truth is: I’d rather they didn’t mention all the things I will have done, those things are really meaningless. It’s the love I have for God, my friends and my family that I want spoken about.

I’m on a journey, and on life’s road I’ve met amazing people that I’ve come to love. Some I chat with weekly, with others, it’s probably time we made that Skype date a reality or actually had a hang out session again but, you’ve touched my life in such a way that if I haven’t gotten around to saying it or if I haven’t said it in a while, this is the moment: I love you. Thanks to the power of the internet this moment goes on until they remove my blog. But I do hope this moment lives on in your heart.

If you know me well enough (even if you don’t, now you know) I love. I love so easily you could almost call me naïve. Sometimes it takes one really amazing conversation for me to open my heart and love someone, sometimes it’s a decision we make together that we’re going to be friends and we’re going to love each other, sometimes it’s because this random person came to comfort me for hours the day before her exam and I knew I’d found a friend I could love dearly… sometimes I can’t explain it but I’ll be thinking about that person one morning and realise, my heart has love for them.

I might not get to tell everyone in the next few day how they’ve touched my heart but I sure hope I get around to it soon enough, in the meantime be assured that I think you’re great.

Being human, I know I haven’t always been loving or caring in my words and actions. I’m sorry. I’m learning to love better and sometimes it’s great to get feedback so I can grow and one day I’ll bump into Paul in heaven and hear him say they’ve nicknamed me the 1 Corinthians 13-Refilwe. Ehm, that means I have many more years to live and someone best be praying for me because I’m a long way away from that kinda love (chuckles).

Friend, my story is this: I love you.